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Get Your Coat, You've Pulled, Pork
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Category: Recipes
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I get asked about this one a lot and I'm always pretty vague with the recipe. That's not because I'm keeping it to myself. Hell, there are a ton of amazing pulled pork recipes out there. It's more because I have a few ways of doing it, which tend to change based on what time I have, what I'm doing etc. so guidelines are pretty much what this will be, experiment yourself with the recipe too.

 

Firstly, what you'll need:

  • Pork shoulder (size obviously depending on your number, obviously, obvious)

Basic BBQ rub ingredients:

 

  • 1/3 cup Paprika
  • 1/3 cup Soft dark brown sugar
  • 3tbsp fresh ground black pepper (ideally)
  • 3tbsp Garlic powder
  • 3tbsp Salt
  • 1tsp Chili powder
  • 1tsp Cayenne Pepper
  • 1tsp Onion flakes (if you have them)
  • 1tsp Celery salt/seeds (again, if you can get them)

I make a ton of this rub. It goes on anything. Seriously. Chicken, beef, lamb, pork, anything you fancy, BBQing or oven, it's great. Double up on the amounts and you can have it on hand whenever you're about to BBQ. 

My favourite item in the kitchen at the moment are those zip lock bags. You're thinking... are you fucking for real!? Yep, I am. They're bloody amazing for putting your meat in, adding liberal amounts of the rub (you will not need all you've made! Just do it a tablespoon at a time, until good coating) zip the top, and shake the shit out of it. Try and remove as much air out as possible, zip again and put it in the fridge overnight. You can do it on the day, it will be nice, but overnight is always prefered, if you have the time.

Cooking Methods:


This is where it will vary. It will vary based on what you have to hand, what time you have and all that sort of thing. 

Firstly, The Indirect BBQ Smoking Method


This is without doubt the most difficult method (unless you have a really super frigging awesome BBQ) but it has without doubt the best results. 

What do I need to do this, though?!

  • Charcoal BBQ
  • Hickory Wood Chips
  • Charcoal
  • Thermometer
  • A Foil/ Metal container (I use those foil takeaway style containers)

Start your BBQ, or light it. You know. ADD FIRE! I use a BBQ starter chimney, as they're possibly the best invention known to all BBQing! The coals are red and ready to go in about 20 minutes. You have hot coals and you're ready to cook. Put your foil container in your BBQ, where the coals go and add a few centimetres of water to it. While you're doing this, soak some of your wood chips in water for about 30 minutes. This stops them burning up too quickly with the heat. Then, pour the coals AROUND the container. Not in it, that would be retarded. 

The reason for doing this is simple. You want to cook the meat, without burning the underside from direct heat. Hence the name, indirect cooking. Before you put your meat on however, you want to shut the lid of your BBQ and let it get to temperature. No doubt, because you've just lit the thing, it'll be hotter than the bastard sun in there. You can use the thermometer to check the temperatures, you're aiming for about 160c. To put it in context, mine started at about 230c, I propped the lid open, vents open, temps eventually dropped to about 170c, which was good enough for me to start. NOTE: This is the internal temps, with the lid closed. Seems obvious, but you never know....

Add your pre-soaked wood chips to the metal containers, which should still have some water in too. Place your pork shoulder on the BBQ (I use the top shelf as well, further away from potential burn), which should also be over the metal containers, not the coals. Close the lid. 

Another reason this is a bit of a bind, is that you would love to be able to just leave this, piss off and come back in 5hrs and you're done, but (well, with my BBQ) you can't regulate the temperature over that period of time, that accurately. So I pop back every half an hour and check the temps. Too low? I just add a very small amount of new coal (lit in the starter chimney first). If it's then too high, just prop the lid slightly and watch your temps.

You want that BBQ to be smoking too. Those wood chips should be bloody hot and giving off some good smoke. They won't to start with, but you have the thing in for 4-5hrs and you should see it chucking out some decent smoke. 

When's it done?  You should have a nice skin on the outside, where the sugar in the rub has caramelised and really tender meat to start to pull with a fork when poked. If you have the BBQ too hot for too long, it'll make it less tender and harder to "pull".

Transfer to a plate and rest for a while so the meat has a chance to, well, rest. Couple of forks in hand, and pull that beast apart. Transfer this to a bowl. 

If you notice the pink on the edge of the meat? That's the smoke ring you get. The bigger the ring, the more smokey the meat. This was a good amount of smoke, maybe a touch more, so next time a few more wood chips.

A lot of people I know now use a BBQ sauce on it. I use a mop. The mop is to make sure that the meat doesn't dry out and also adds a bit of acidity to the fatty shoulder meat, to cut through it.

Mop:


Depending on how big your shoulder was, depends how much mop you'll need, so I'll just do roughly, you can work it out. 

  • Half Olive Oil
  • Half Cider Vinegar
  • Chili flakes (amount depending on kick you want)
  • Oregano
  • Salt & Pepper

So, half would be half of whatever you make up being vinegar to oil ratio. You dig? Chuck some over the meat and toss it about until it's covered. 

Eat it. Eat it all. Pulled pork sandwiches with coleslaw and BBQ sauce are good. But with some Holy Fuck sauce it's better. (BBQ Sauce recipe will also be posted very soon!)

Alternative Method:


If all of this seems like a bit too much effort for you, you can use other methods. One is the oven. Don't get me wrong, you won't get the smoke, but you can still have a nice pulled pork. I would do it at the same temps, about 150c for about 4-5hrs depending on the size of your joint. I start the oven off at 200c, 15 minutes later, drop to 180c, 15 minutes later, 165c, and then after 15 again, down to 150c and hold there for the 5 hours. If you have a really big joint, same 150c oven, but keep it in for longer. You have to use your judgement when you're prodding your meat, so to speak. 

Again, when I do this, I try to put it in a pan which allows me to have the pork on a wire rack, which sits above the base of the baking tray, so I can add some water in the bottom. I do this for my pork belly as well, I just find it helps keep the moisture in the air in the oven. 

You won't get the same results, it goes without saying, but sometimes you simply don't have the time to piss about with the BBQ like that, so a regular oven will have to do. 

 

Life gives you lemons, make a cake with them
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I'm obviously over compensating for not having my lady at home at the moment, with the cakes I'm making. Since I keep saying I DON'T BAKE. Which normally I don't. It has been quite nice and hot here the last few days and the thought of a nice lemon cake really tickled my fancy, so I thought I'd knock one up yesterday. 

 

 

This is a piece of piss recipe. Easier than the apple cake, and that was really bloody easy. Let's face it, if it was that hard, I'd not be chewed to do it on a Sunday (My day, Father's day, no less). 

You'll need: 

  • 4 eggs
  • 225g castor sugar (I used golden)
  • 225g plain flour
  • 225g softened butter
  • 1tsp baking powder
  • Juice and zest of 1 lemon

I also created like a bit of a lemon syrup as well, which I poured over the cake to soak it up and really give it that zing. This is optional. Well, making this cake is fucking optional, I'm not forcing you. You know... 

That just consisted of:

  • Juice of 1 lemon
  • Sugar
  • Dash of water

You can see that I was entirely accurate with the measuring of things for the syrup. I wasn't. This is why I suck at baking, generally. If you can't chuck ingredients in a bowl and taste it to see if it's OK, I'm generally going to be doomed. 

You'll be fine though. 

Oven on at 170c. Fan if you have it, if not, adjust up slightly. Grease a tin. I used a 8" square. This recipe would fit really well in a loaf tin, if you have one. I greased and lined with greaseproof. 

Now are you ready for the complicated part? Grab your KitchenAid or other inferior mixer. Put all of the cake dry ingredients in the bowl, and the butter. Mix it up, adding the lemon juice, zest and eggs as it starts to come together. There we go. Slap it in the tin. Throw it in the oven and pretend that you're Mary Berry. 

 

45mins? That should do the trick. Poke and check it's done. Take out and place on a cooling rack.

cake

Syrup wise, mix the sugar, lemon juice and water in a pan and reduce down until it's thicker. I then used a cocktail stick, pricked the top of the sponge and poured over the syrup. 

Sit back and admire your handiwork. You're the man, Ross.

The I don't bake cakes, cake - Apple & Cider Cake Recipe
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I was bored, lonely, on a Sunday night, craving cake. My cake mistress was nowhere to be seen, so I had little choice but to venture into the world of baking. Fuck.

In all it's cakey glory

You will need:

Plain White Flour - 400g
Brown Caster Sugar - 400g 
3 large eggs
1 teaspoon baking powder
250ml Veg Oil
2 blobs of vanilla extract or a pod, something vanilla like either way
1 teaspoon of allspice
1 teaspoon of cinnamon
125g of sultanas
250g of chopped apple
250ml of cider

For the topping

I just used;

1 more apple chopped up
200ml of cider
50g butter
80g sugar
1 teaspoon allspice

I'm not the baker in this household. I'll tell you that now and several times through all of this. I'm much more of a taste, adjust, taste, throw more in type of person. 
You'll notice this in my willy nilly methodology of this cake. Set your oven to 170c, fan will do. Get an 8" tin and grease that fucker up with butter, and then line with greaseproof paper. If you can't manage that, you're doomed. Drink the cider, sit on the sofa and cry to yourself. If you managed that, you're good to carry on. As the non baker, I appreciate the kitchenaid mixer even more. 
Get all of your dry ingredients and chuck them in the mixing bowl. OK, don't throw them, literally, but get them in there in a way that involves the least mess. I find throwing them from a great distance the easiest way to achieve this.
All dry stuff in the bowl, you can now chuck in your apples, sultanas and oil. Start the mixer going fairly slowly to start. I say this, because the twat that I am puts it straight on full, and covers himself in flour. 
Once the oil starts binding the ingredients together, crack 3 eggs into the bowl. Let it mix it all up until it's all together and you're set. Piece of piss this cake making.

Take the mix and carefully spoon it into your pre greased, lined tin. Don't be twatting the tin on the side to even it out, you'll knock any air in there out. Just spoon as much as you can get out the bowl in to the tin and put it in the oven.

I was certain this would take 45 minutes to cook. In my head that seemed like enough time for a cake to cook. It took 1hr in the end, so put it on for 45 minutes, centre of the oven, and then check with a knife to see if it is cooked through. If not, add back in for another 10-15 minutes as ovens vary.

While this was in for it's last 15 minutes, I thought I'd make a little topping for the cake so took a small saucepan out, poured in the cider and added the sugar and chopped apple. This then reduced on a moderate heat for about 20 minutes. It should be sticky now and soft apples. Add in your all spice and butter and stir some more. Set it to one side for a moment.

Your cake should be ready now. You've stabbed it with a kebab skewer to see if it's done, tapped to top, it seems done. Out it comes, placed on a cooling rack.

While it's cooling, you can slap the apple mix on the top. I heaped the cooked apples in the centre and drizzled the liquid reduction (does that sound better than "glaze"? No, not bloody really!) over the top of the cake and allow to cool fully. Or don't and just eat it. I did. It's truly fantastic.

One thing this would pair stupendously with? Custard. Add custard and you'll eat the entire cake. At once. I assure you that much. 


Cooking time: 1hr20
Time stood up doing shit: 30mins Max. You lazy fuckers.

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